Halloween Safety Tips

Halloween, though lots of frightful fun, can also be full of potential dangers. Here are some tips to make your kids' All Saints' Eve an All "Safe" Eve:

Pack your child's rectum with razor blades to make him/her less desirable to would-be molesters.

Always trick-or-treat in groups of 400,000.

Many troublemakers and dangerous people come out on Halloween night. To be safe, trick-or-treat in early March.

Safety and self-defense go hand in hand. Be sure your child's handgun has at least a 10-round magazine and is at least .38 caliber to ensure stopping power.

For optimum safety while trick-or-treating, be sure your child does not encounter fright-master screenwriter Kevin Williamson.

Equip your child with special cyanide-filled false tooth for use in case of capture.

Be sure child closes eyes before you drill eyeholes in mask.

Beat would-be child murderers at their own game by poisoning your kids ahead of time.

Dress your child in all-black costume to make him/her virtually invisible to potentially dangerous motorists.

Tell your kids that if they see anything suspicious or scary-looking–for example, ghosts, goblins or witches–they should run to the nearest neighbor's house and call the police.

Pack child's costume with safety flares.

Before sending children off, give their anuses a good dollop of lube. This will help prevent their tissue from tearing when they are sodomized by maniacs.

Do not ring doorbells under any circumstances.

Link: Halloween Safety Tips | The Onion

The 25 Scariest Moments in Non-Horror Movies

The most frightening movie moments can arrive out of nowhere, in the midst of where they shouldn't belong, catching you when you're vulnerable -- which is why there are a few alleged children's films on this list. But they can also creep up on you, working a different kind of dread, which is where some of the documentaries included below fit in. Fear is a funny thing. It comes in different varieties, it can work its way on you in unanticipated, and, as our collection here proves, it definitely doesn't always stem from things that go bump in the night. | IFC via Neatorama

SNL’s Top 10 Halloween Sketches

The entertainment and pop culture blog Joy Hog! has posted the 10 best Halloween sketches from Saturday Night Live (or at least the ones that are available online). They're all funny, but they seem to have the more current ones rated higher. My favorites on the list are "Adam Sandler Cheap Halloween Costumes" and "Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker".

-Matt


Link: SNL’s Top 10 Halloween Sketches | Joy Hog! via NOTCOT.ORG

Outlawing Halloween

From FreeRangeKids:

Was there ever really a rash of candy killings? Joel Best, a professor of sociology and criminal justice at the University of Delaware, took it upon himself to find out. He studied crime reports from Halloween dating back as far as 1958, and guess exactly how many kids he found poisoned by a stranger’s candy?

A hundred and five? A dozen? Well, one, at least?

“The bottom line is that I cannot find any evidence that any child has ever been killed or seriously hurt by a contaminated treat picked up in the course of trick-or-treating,” says the professor. The fear is completely unfounded.

Link: Goodbye Halloween, Hello Safety | FreeRangeKids

Formula for Witch Identification

M*(9.8 m/s^2) =

Here We Go Magic

Here We Go Magic is my favorite band of all time this month. They're based in Brooklyn and I've seen them three times in the last couple of months around The City. I saw them open for Chairlift on September 5th at Bowery Ballroom, October 14th at Union Pool, and October 20th at Webster Hall.

Since I see them at such small venues, they are always hanging out to see the opening bands before they come on. I met drummer Peter Hale at the Bowery Ballroom show and said hi to him at the other two shows. I met keyboardist Kristina Lieberson and bassist Jennifer Turner at the Webster Hall show, I told Jennifer she was a great bassist.

I felt like a fanboy the first time I talked to Peter, but they're pretty laid back so after I got over the initial weirdness of talking to them it was just like talking to anyone else in the bar/club. It's pretty cool to be at small venues like those where the band members are so accessible.

A few weeks ago, I posted the video for their song "Tunnelvision", which is my favorite song of theirs. You can see it HERE. The video is like life through a kaleidoscope's eyes, filmed on an old 8mm handheld.

HERE is the video for their song "Fangela":


I take a lot of pictures on my iPhone and I've been posting them on my tumblr blog. The iPhone doesn't take the greatest pictures, but if you don't zoom in too much or focus your eyes too much, some of the pictures come out pretty cool. Here are some links to some pictures I've taken at Here We Go Magic shows:

Here We Go Magic - Bowery Ballroom 9/15/09 - 01
Here We Go Magic - Union Pool 10/14/09 - 01
Here We Go Magic - Webster Hall 10/20/09 - 01
Here We Go Magic - Webster Hall 10/20/09 - 02
Here We Go Magic - Webster Hall 10/20/09 - 03
Here We Go Magic - Webster Hall 10/20/09 - 04
Here We Go Magic - Webster Hall 10/20/09 - 05

Finally, check out the links at the bottom of this post for some more info about them.

Give them a listen and make sure to support them if you like them!

-Matt


Links:

Here We Go Magic

Here We Go Magic | MySpace

Album Reviews: Here We Go Magic | Pitchfork

Here We Go Magic: Chasing The Scares That Live Inside With Warm Blood Flushes recorded May 25, 2009 | Daytrotter

HERE WE GO MAGIC - Fangela | THE SKY REPORT

Here We Go Magic | mattmaison

Quiz: Major League

In the pantheon of great baseball movies, Major League is a solid contender for the funniest. For long-suffering Cleveland fans, it was a welcome opportunity to see the Indians win a few games. For everyone else, it was just simply a laugh riot. How well do you remember the classic film? | mental_floss

9 out of 10, but only because I didn't know the actor's name...

-Matt


Link: The 5pm Quiz: Major League | mental_floss

Origins of the Haunted Mansion tombstones

2719 Hyperion, a great blog about Disney parks and imagineering, has been posting a series of photos of gravestones from the Haunted Mansion grounds with an explanation of who each is named after. | Boing Boing

The Legend of Link's Distractions

Sesame Street: Mad Men

The Weekender

Flight Announcement

Ten Cold-and-Flu Myths Debunked

Yes, swine flu might kill you. But that doesn't mean every cure you've heard about this fall is a magic bullet in a prescription bottle. | Esquire

Phoenix on Craig Ferguson 10/9

What will this World Series have in common with every other World Series EVER?

Don Mattingly won't be involved in it.

NYC Public Ad Campaign

Public Ad Campaign acts on the assumption that public space and the public's interaction with that space is a vital component of our city's health. By visually altering and physically interacting with the public environment, residents become psychologically invested in their community.

Outdoor advertising is the primary obstacle to open public communications. By commodifying public space, outdoor advertising has monopolized the surfaces that shape our shared space. Private property laws protect the communications made by outdoor advertising while systematically preventing public usage of that space.

In an effort to illuminate these issues, Public Ad Campaign chronicles the activities of artists intent on challenging these relationships, as well as other contemporary issues in outdoor advertising and public space.

Through bold acts of civil disobedience we hope to air our grievances in the court of public opinion and witness our communities regain control of the space they occupy.

Link: Public Ad Campaign

Here We Go Magic: October 20, 2009 at Webster Hall

A Review of Windows 7 Bought On eBay

The install for Windows 7 comes on four floppy disks, and as my laptop doesn’t have a floppy drive, I was worried I’d have to travel 10 years into the past to find a computer that did. Fortunately, my local Best Buy was offering a USB floppy drive for $80, which, not withstanding certain recent software purchases, struck me as the greatest ripoff the world has ever seen. I’d advise anyone wanting to install Windows 7 on their own machine should make sure their hardware can support it. | Cracked

Black Eyed Peas - "Meet Me Halfway"

FAIL!

Go Dodgers!!!

Unnecessary Censorship on Sesame Street

SNL Digital Short: On the Ground

Go Dodgers! Cheer louder this time guys!!!

Miley Cyrus - "Party In The U.S.A."

So I put my hands up
They’re playing my song,
And the butterflys fly away
Noddin’ my head like yea
Movin my hips like yea

Go Dodgers!

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Doofy Husbands

Single men in commercials look good, drive fast, and drink beer. Then they meet women, get married, and become good-for-nothing doofy husbands. Sarah Haskins investigates.

No Homo

Users of the phrase, are scared that anything they say might be misconstrued as not hetero. By adding the ‘nohomo’ tag they relieve themselves from feeling the insecurities of being perceived as homosexual. Cam’ron a proponent of the term uses it so often that he accents his explanation “this is about saying gay things by accident” with a “no homo.” These insecurities should be addressed so that the speaker can become more confident with their sexuality, whatever it may be.

Walt Whitman - "Pioneers! O Pioneers!"

Come my tan-faced children,
Follow well in order, get your weapons ready,
Have you your pistols? have you your sharp-edged axes?
Pioneers! O pioneers!

For we cannot tarry here,
We must march my darlings, we must bear the brunt of danger,
We the youthful sinewy races, all the rest on us depend,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

O you youths, Western youths,
So impatient, full of action, full of manly pride and friendship,
Plain I see you Western youths, see you tramping with the foremost,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

We debouch upon a newer mightier world, varied world,
Fresh and strong the world we seize,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

-Walt Whitman (1819–1892)

Sergio's White Hot Top 5: Lame Music Videos on iTunes (So I Put My Hands Up They're Playing My Song The Butterflies Fly Away)

Spike Jonze: The First 80 Years

At the The Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) this weekend, I saw a series of short films and music videos directed by Spike Jones called Spike Jonze: The First 80 Years.


One of my favorite music videos was Bjork's "It's Oh So Quiet". I loved this song when it came out. Her voice is so unique and powerful. I was also surprised when I heard it again that the lyrics have a totally different meaning to me now, being at such a different point in my life than I was when I first heard the song in the mid-90's. If anyone happens to bump into Bjork, give her my number.


Here are some links to some other good ones they showed:

Beastie Boys - "Sabotage" - This has to be one of the coolest music videos of all time.

The Pharcyde - "Drop" - I didn't realize that the video was running backwards until about a minute in (spoiler alert).

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Y Control" - There were no children or animals filmed during the filming of this film. It's just a film.

Notorious B.I.G. - "Sky's The Limit" - Ditto.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Maps (Live on the 2004 MTV Movie Awards)" - That would be cool to get showered with rose petals like that. No homo.

The Breeders - "Cannonball" - If I could put into words the sound that guitar makes, I'd type it here.

The Chemical Brothers - "Elektrobank" - Starring Sofia Coppola.

And here are some links to some other good videos by Jonze that weren't featured in the showing:

Kanye West - "Flashing Lights" - She don't believe in shooting stars, but she believes in shoes and cars.

Sonic Youth - "The Diamond Sea" - November 25th at Music Hall of Williamsburg.

He's also directed several full length feature films such as Adaptation, Being John Malkovich, and the upcoming Where the Wild Things Are.

See more info about the films at the MoMA's website.

-Matt


See also:

Spike Jonze: The First 80 Years | mattmaison.com

Huger Strike 2009

Tuesday night in Los Angeles, Pearl Jam was joined on stage by Chris Cornell for a Temple of the Dog reunion to sing the song Hunger Strike.


The song was oringinally recorded in 1991 by then Temple of the Dog members Chris Cornell, Jeff Ament, Stone Gossard, Matt Cameron, Mike McCready, and Eddie Vedder. Temple of the Dog was a one-off tribute to Mother Love Bone lead singer Andrew Wood who passed away before the album was recorded. Gossard and Ament were members of Mother Love Bone before Eddie Vedder joined them to form Pearl Jam and Chris Cornell joined Soundgarden shortly after recording the Temple of the Dog album.

-Matt


Links:

WATCH: Pearl Jam Joined by Chris Cornell, Jerry Cantrell! | Spin

Temple of the Dog Reunite at Pearl Jam’s Los Angeles Concert | Rolling Stone

Mostly Garbage

Mostly Garbage brand dog food. Because your dog isn't a person, he's an animal.

Go Dodgers!

Dodgers Repeat as NL West Champs!

The Dodgers clinched the NL West title on Saturday night by defeating the Colorado Rockies, 5-0. The Dodgers will play the St. Louis Cardinals in the first round of the NL playoffs, beginning Wednesday, October 7th at Dodger Stadium. This is the first time the Dodgers have finished first in consecutive seasons since 1977-78.

Radiohead - "All I Need"

I am the next act waiting in the wings
I am an animal trapped in your hot car
I am all the days that you choose to ignore

You are all I need
You are all I need
I am in the middle of your picture
Lying in the reeds

I am a moth who just wants to share your light
I'm just an insect trying to get out of the night
I only stick with you because there are no others

You are all I need
You are all I need
I am in the middle of your picture
Lying in the reeds

100 Greatest Hits Of YouTube In 4 Minutes

The internet rules.